"I don't answer the phone. I get the feeling whenever I do that there will be someone on the other end."

Quote from Fred Couples, American professional golfer who has won a ton of championships/accolades/awards for being a superawesome golfer. He also apparently has the same issues as me, but more on that later in this post.....




The past few weeks have been a little emotionally hell-like.

Just when things calm down with my job and I'm finding more and more time to relax in my office and daydream about the summertime, I am hit from behind with my personal life. I find myself locked in struggle with my thoughts over my relationship, turning 25, and my friendships. I start trying to dissect every nuance of my life, trying to sequence out why things happen and how they've managed to turn me into the person I am now. I end up, in essence, driving myself to hysteria. It's a quiet and personal one until a late night conversation hits too close to home and suddenly feel like I'm standing in the rain watching a movie of what things could be like.

Another day and a clearer view of reality proves that things aren't nearly as foul as I think they are, and with a few honest talks with people I start to feel like a normal human again. Before I know it it's Thursday evening and I'm realizing that a weekend of fun and excitement with my coworkers is upon me, and in a few short weeks it will be spring break - meaning for me that I'll be able to enjoy the peace of an empty building and then the exhaustion of a whirlwind trip back to my hometown.

In the meantime I'll be fielding an unbelievably large amount of parent phone calls. Nope, not my parents (with my busy life and tendency to be bitchy when interrupted they usually leave the dialing up to me), but rather the parents of what feels like any student from my building that might be the teeniest bit unsatisfied/frustrated with basically any part of his or her college career. When I see that I have voicemail I automatically tense up and wait to hear which Mr or Mrs So-and-So I need to call back. The voicemail light taunts me, gleaming all proud as if to say, "Haha! Look at what YOU have to deal with!!". I have learned within my professional experience this year that the voicemail light is the bane of all existance, that even if it's from someone else you work with there's some pressing issue going on which is why they've called instead of just popping off an email or just trying the call again later. The voicemail light is there to add anxiety and stress to your day, causing you to rearrange your schedule so you can make time for the call-back - which will last at least 30 minutes, if not longer. The voicemail light is there to make you doubt your abilities in your job, the competency of your staff, and the tenure of your position.

I used to giggle at my assitantship supervisors when they would sigh and moan when their voicemail lights were on. I thought it was funny that such a thing could cause such immediate exhaustion and frustration. They weren't even working in residence life yet it was still a pain in the ass and something that was sure to either be utterly ridiculous, extreme anger-inducing, or (when you were lucky) just a hang-up. Now I understand and realize that perhaps karma is paying me back for all those smirks and sad faces I would make. Retribution is here, my friends. My personal emotions have waved the white flag and surrendered, allowing me full control over my thoughts once more, but the war rages on with my voicemail light with absolutely no end in sight.