"There is no substitute for hard work."

Above quote comes from Thomas Edison, American businessman and inventor. Credited with the creation of many items, he is perhaps most widely known for inventing the light bulb. There also exist over 1,000 US patents in his name, as well as some scattered in Germany, France, and the UK. I think he definitely knows what's talking about in terms of hard work.




I was totally unprepared for what this semester was going to bring me. When I mentally prepared to come back, when I wrote my last post on Saturday, when I actually started back up at work in my office…..I still had no idea what this was going to look like. And wow, what a shock all of this is.

I am BURIED in work. So buried, in fact, that I have no right to actually be taking time out of my day to be writing this post. I am in between meetings with students right now, the time when I should be catching up on emails, writing recommendations, working on projects. I keep watching my Outlook show me new emails in the bottom of my screen and I am ignoring them. I keep adding more meetings to my calendar as students email me wanting face time. I keep adding more and more things to the piles on my desk (and my other chairs in the office) that I’ll get to eventually….just not right now. And over the past 4 days I’ve realized that my stress level has rocketed and there’s nothing I can do to change it….and that it’s probably ALWAYS going to be like this at the start of each semester. Holy shit – what did I sign up for?

I thought that this semester was going to be a little easier than others. I signed up to teach a class as something extra because I couldn’t imagine what I would be doing with my time otherwise. I am thrilled to get this experience, and I’m hoping I will be able to help/influence the 11 students who are currently enrolled, but I forgot how much time it takes to prep for a class even when everything is already outlined for you. I’ve been moving like a whirling dervish (as my mother would say) to get things completed in time and have a good grasp on what I’m teaching each class meeting. Now I have things to grade, assignments to explain, and more prep work ahead of me. I am excited about it, don’t get me wrong, but I definitely didn’t budget for all of this.

I have a major project I’m working on that’s sucking up most of my time. Maybe that’s not the best way to say it…..enveloping all of my time? Completely all-encompassing any time that I might have thought I may have? I keep catching little errors that just bother me and feel like it’s never going to be perfect – which for some people is no big deal, but for me is definitely a REALLY big deal. I never considered myself an actual perfectionist until I started this job and realized how many people around me do things to near-perfection, so bringing a half-assed attempt is definitely NOT acceptable. I’m making it harder on myself in hopes that the end result will be amazing….I can only hope.

And then there’s the matter of next year…..it’s time to decide where I’d like to be within our halls and try and articulate why. With rumors flying around our department, it’s hard to keep track of who is interested in working with what, and why. It’s turned into a more pensive time for me than what I was anticipating….I’ve starting thinking more and more about what I’m looking for out of my second year experience here and who I want to work with and FOR. Interesting developments within the department has made me think harder about everything, and now I’m trying to make decisions.

I am thankful that tomorrow is Friday AND it’s a 3-day weekend for me. I am hoping to be able to walk out of my office on Friday afternoon and not walk back in until Tuesday morning. Working on the weekend is definitely NOT what I want to do, but if I don’t start crossing things off on my to-do list it may be unavoidable….which means I should probably stop blogging and start working :)

"Stress is nothing more than a socially acceptable form of mental illness."

Above quote is from Richard Carlson, an American author, psychotherapist, and motivational speaker who is most famous for writing Don't Sweat the Small Stuff (and a handful of other books related to this one) I think it's quite accurrate, and perhaps best explains that there really IS something wrong with me since I work in a field where stress is just a part of life.




There is nothing quite like returning to your job after having a glorious two week vacation. I spent my time off away from here and back in my hometown. I watched an unhealthy amount of TV, took naps nearly everyday, went out with my friends every night, and dreaded having to come back to work. I knew it was going to stink, but I didn't know just how much.

Packing up and coming back was harder than I was expecting. While I definitely missed having my own apartment and all my stuff around me and missed my friends here, I did NOT want to leave and be miles and miles from my friends and family. I cried for a portion of my trip back, which isn't surprising since crying is one of the things that I do best. I got back, unpacked, and enjoyed the fact that my building was SILENT and that I didn't need to worry about a thing.....and then the next day started.....

It's been nonstop ever since. I've been working with my staff, working with my collegues, working in my office. The committee work I do has kept me ridiculously busy since I got back, and I can expect that to continue for quite a while. Here it is, Saturday, and I'm in my office working on things so I don't have to try and balance everything on Monday when I come in. I am hopeful that tomorrow will be peaceful and have few glitches as my building reopens. I want nothing more than to sleep in and lay around all day before the week starts and I am hit with so much more to do.

My to-do list is growing as I keep remembering things that I need to work on. I'm teaching a class this semester and it starts on Monday, meaning that I should probably take a minute and develop a lesson plan for EXACTLY what is going to happen. I have student meetings already set up for the first few days, and I should probably look to see what it is I need to do during them and what I need to say. My calendar needs updated, I have papers to read through, an RA to meet with, recommendations for students need written, and oh yeah - it's about that time when I need to sit and make a final decision on whether or not I'm returning to my position next year and, if so, what community I would like to work with.

I guess I'm making this seem like I'm a lot more unhappy than what I actually am. I love to be busy (maybe not THIS busy....) and even though I get really frustrated at times, I love this job. I only wish I could've had the chance to ease back into work instead of getting tossed in the deep end - and after all, I can't even swim!!

Auld Lang Syne

Did you know that "Auld Lang Syne" is actually a poem by Robert Burns? It's set to the tune of an old Scottish folk song.


It's easy to tell that students are back at home and their parents are starting to ask questions about their college experience.....as my email has suddenly seen an influx of questions from the residents of my building. After weeks of silence, deserted office hours, and the unwillingness of any students to even make eye contact with me let alone ask me anything, suddenly there are tons of questions and scenarios that need played out. It's hilarious to me, and I really love how all of them start out by saying that they hope I am enjoying my break and that they're so sorry to be emailing me. My out-of-office auto reply tells them that I'm out of the office until January, so despite that I should probably be responding to their emails as I get them, I've been ignoring all of them. My conscious is starting to get to me and I think tonight that I might actually hammer out a few emails in return....unless I decide not to :)

So far my winter break has been extremely relaxing and lazy. I've done a lot of sitting around, plenty of tv watching, and much catching up with old friends. Being back in my hometown for an extended period of time has been challenging at times but a lot better than I was counting on. Celebrating New Years Eve tomorrow will be just like old times and I'm excited to have a few drinks and socialize with people. I've made some tentative plans for the rest of the weekend and then I'll be heading back to my job and my little apartment.

I have managed to do a little work during the past few weeks, including making an ever-growing to do list for when I return to the office and doing a little prep work for a class that I'll be teaching this spring semester. I'm already starting to feel the stress of having to jump right into a very busy month as soon as I return and I'm not a fan of seeing that my January is going to be devoured by work and probably little personal time. What will keep me going is the upcoming events of my birthday, a visitor or two, and eventually spring break. Looking ahead at times is the only way that I can survive in residence life.

"Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right."

The above quote comes from the one and only Oprah Winfrey. I know, I can't believe that I'm actually quoting her. It's not that I dislike this incredibly strong and powerful woman (we can never have too many in this world!) it's just that...well, I guess I don't know how to articulate it. But I mean, who can blame her? If I had as much money as her I'd probably do the same things, including starting my own magazine and putting myself on the cover every month. How ballsy of a move is that, and she still sells them because she's Oprah. Maybe we should all aspire to have her fame and fortune.



Who can believe that I'm getting ready to close my building and head home for winter break? This semester has not just flown by, this YEAR has sped past me so incredibly fast. It's usually at this point that I like to think about what's gone on this year and do some kind of 'year in review' synopsis. So, in no particular order.....

- I moved for a job that I thought would be fantastic (and it is) and for reasons that were all my own (ignoring what others really wanted me to do).
- I turned 24 and started feeling old. I did have a pretty sweet party thanks to my best friend and favorite people back at home.
- I job searched and job searched until I started not caring where I worked and what I did. And then this place called me for an oncampus interview and everything changed.
- I learned to be happy and satisfied on my own, then decided that maybe I wanted to date again.
- I started planning for my retirement, right as the economy decided to crap out. I have some type of portfolio-thing with some big company that didn't file for bankruptcy or get bought out. Does that mean my money is safe? I'm still thinking I need a financial planner....
- I got grown-up health insurance!
- I bought a TiVo and it changed my life.
- The girl that swore up and down she'd never go to grad school (that'd be me) graduated with her master's degree.
- My best friend got married. (Did I mention she's younger than I am?) And she bought a house. And a new car. And went on a supercool honeymoon. Did I mention I feel old?


All of this makes me think about next year, and what type of resolutions I might like to make. These are things I usually decide in December and promptly forget about in January. I try to keep them practical enough (because we all know I'm NOT going to workout and I'm NOT going to suddenly start saving my money instead of shopping all the time). So this year I think I'll resolve to start flossing regularly and buying fresh flowers so my apartment smells more outdoorsy than what Bath and Body Works Wallflowers can deliver me.

Since a new semester is starting, I want to look at resolutions I can make for that. Having my evaluation meeting recently also put this in the forefront of my mind. Don't let me give you the wrong idea - I had a really great eval. My ideas pretty much lined up with that of my supervisor's and it's nice to know that even though I get frustrated and sometimes feel like my building sucks, I know that I'm still doing all that I can and getting my work done. So, I want to look at what I can do next semester to make my ability at performing my job even better. Like putting my foot down when I want to instead of wavering and being a doormat. Or delegating tasks to people instead of thinking all the time that it won't get done right unless I do it myself (although I'll secretly know that this is true and instead just try and chill out enough to actually let someone else give it a shot). Maintaining my cheerleader disposition in times when I really just want to scream and cry and yell about what's going on with my staff/department.

I think I should also resolve to be a better blogger, and to spend some of that time I waste on facebook actually writing posts and organizing my thoughts :)

"This became a credo of mine: attempt the impossible in order to improve your work."

Above quote from Bette Davis, a famous American actress who was in a lot of movies primarily in the 30s and 40s but continued acting into her later years.



I am learning quite a bit about myself through evaluations. Each of my staff members fills out an eval about me and my performance and it’s been interesting to read them and go over each one. There have been certain trends amongst the staff – I wonder if they pre-discussed everything they would be writing. They are all frustrated with the same things, most of them seem satisfied with everything I’ve been doing, but perhaps the biggest surprise has been that many of them wish that they knew more about me/that I was more open about my life.

For the people that know me well, this might be hilarious. I usually can’t stop talking about anything, and I’m pretty forthcoming with information about me and what’s going on in my world. I came into this job knowing that I didn’t want to have a completely open relationship with my staff. I figured that I would let them define what kind of relationship they would like to have with me. Most of them ask how I’m doing but don’t go more in depth than that, and so I don’t ask anything that’s too personal about themselves. They don’t ask any questions about much of anything, something that’s always been interesting to me since they see my apartment on a regular basis – a place that has many pictures and random artifacts of my life. And for that matter, my office is a pretty personalized place as well. I guess they’ve been waiting for me to volunteer information or at least seem more open about answering questions (although I didn't know that I wasn't).

Instead I've started to let certain things slip....more stories about my life and my friends, important people to me, etc. I've started talking to one of my RAs that stops by my office frequently and I'm curious to see if the information is getting dispersed like I think it might be. I'm trying to come up with a way to handle next semester a little differently. Maybe some sort of icebreaker for the start of the semester that has to do with storytelling. We'll see what I can cook up.

I have to admit that it's been harder than I thought to keep up with my writing this semester. Time just seems to fly by and before I know it weeks have gone by and I've done more than just neglect my posting. I forget to return emails and phone calls and let too much time go by without seeing people - in particular one of my college friends that lives about an hour from me whom I haven't seen since July. Full Time life is way busier than I ever thought it would be.

“Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion....I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward"

This quote brought to you by Kurt Vonnegut, American writer famous for his satire/science fiction combination books, such as Slaughterhouse-Five and Breakfast of Champions. He passed away last year at the age of 84.




Here I sit in Panera Bread, working on staff evaluations.

Ick.

My absence has been because my life has been taken over by preparing to close my building for Thanksgiving (my first ever closing!), working on evaluations (I'm convinced they were created to make my life miserable), and sogging through the random drama in my personal life (boys, boys, boys). I am trying to stay positive and keep my sanity until I make it home for Thanksgiving, but with each day I get more and more excited to pack up and spend a few days with my family - both biological and the one made up of my friends.

[I would like to digress to point out that for whatever reason, children appear to love me. Despite the fact that this place is pretty much empty at the moment, three children come tearing in the door with someone and immediately run over in my direction and sit right by me. Normally I think it's cute, but right now all I crave is solitude and to melt into the chair.]

Anyway, my building has turned into the last place I want to be. I think the pre-Thanksgiving crazies have hit the students, and they're being loud and obnoxious 24/7. Last night I was up until after 4am because people were thundering around the halls and slamming doors. I think some sort of indicator goes off when I open my apartment door and start walking the halls, since my round of the building that I did at 2am was silent except for the various residents in quiet conversations in the hallways. I wasn't back in my place for more than 15 minutes before the noise started all over again and I decided to give up and admit defeat. My energy level is rapidly plummeting and I can't keep up with all these 18 and 19 year old students anymore. I am old, and I need some peace and quiet. It's definitely time to make my way to my hometown and enjoy the quiet, boring place that it is.


Getting out and working on these evaluations was the best thing to do today. I've managed to get through more than half, although I'll need to go back through everything again before it's time to submit them. My motivation is starting to slip away and all the coffee I've consumed has left me jittery and unable to sit still. Getting anything else accomplished today is probably not in the cards, and the lure of the stores around me is proving to be too much to resist. Maybe one day I'll get back my concentration and desire to work.

"Half of the American people never read a newspaper. Half never voted for President. One hopes it is the same half."

Today's quote comes from Gore Vidal, an American novelist and politician (among many other things) who wrote The City and the Pillar, the first American novel to contain an open representation of homosexuality. He is connected to many well-known political names; his mother married the man who would later become Jackie Kennedy's stepfather, he was the fifth cousin of Jimmy Carter and distantly related to Al Gore, his grandfather was a senator from Oklahoma. He himself became a political activist in the 1960s and had an unsuccessful bid for Congress in New York. He would later run for a senate position in California, another unsuccessful attempt.







On this historic election day, I would’ve expected much more excitement and debate across campus. I wanted to see rallies and students debating (albeit peacefully) and a huge surge of pride as we go into this election.

Instead, it has been relatively quiet. I’m seeing new signs on campus, but not much more than that. I’m concerned that students on my campus just don’t care enough, or don’t want to be bothered with voting. Perhaps many of them voted absentee and there’s no need to get their metaphorical panties in a twist, but I was at least hoping for a little more. Maybe by tonight when polls start to close and the projections are made I’ll start to hear students buzzing about the election.

4 years ago during the last presidential election I was a college student. I went to school at a small private college, but one that had extremely liberal leanings. I was an RA and encouraged all of my residents to vote. I sent in my absentee ballot with plenty of time to spare and parked myself on my bed that evening and watched CNN all night long. I fell asleep with the TV and woke up randomly in the middle of the night to see that predictions were very different from when I had last remembered. I could barely concentrate the next day and all I wanted to do was watch what was going on.

This election will fare no differently. I’ve been told about many different election parties that are going on around campus but I think I’ll be spending this evening alone. I think it’s fun to sit by myself in my pajamas and watch everything…..sometimes I’ll laugh, sometimes I’ll yell at the TV, but the best part is that I don’t have to deal with anyone else getting all uppity about their candidate over mine.

And speaking of that, for whatever reason my staff is very curious about who I was planning on voting for. I’ve refused to tell them and I think it’s only made them more curious and want to ask me even more. I know some people have been very open about where their support falls, but I felt that it was in my best interest to just keep my mouth shut. I’m aware that I have a variety of political leanings on my staff and I’d rather not rock the boat one way or another. Maybe I’ll tell them after everything has been officially decided, or maybe I’ll just let them keep wondering.

My civic duty has officially been completed. I allotted myself about 2 hours of time for the voting process in case lines were long, but I was able to walk right in and cast my vote. This was the first time that I’ve actually voted on election day – I’ve always voted absentee in my hometown – and it was very cool to get to touch screen my vote into history. Plus, I got a sticker! And that’s really what made it all worth it :)