"I don't answer the phone. I get the feeling whenever I do that there will be someone on the other end."

Quote from Fred Couples, American professional golfer who has won a ton of championships/accolades/awards for being a superawesome golfer. He also apparently has the same issues as me, but more on that later in this post.....




The past few weeks have been a little emotionally hell-like.

Just when things calm down with my job and I'm finding more and more time to relax in my office and daydream about the summertime, I am hit from behind with my personal life. I find myself locked in struggle with my thoughts over my relationship, turning 25, and my friendships. I start trying to dissect every nuance of my life, trying to sequence out why things happen and how they've managed to turn me into the person I am now. I end up, in essence, driving myself to hysteria. It's a quiet and personal one until a late night conversation hits too close to home and suddenly feel like I'm standing in the rain watching a movie of what things could be like.

Another day and a clearer view of reality proves that things aren't nearly as foul as I think they are, and with a few honest talks with people I start to feel like a normal human again. Before I know it it's Thursday evening and I'm realizing that a weekend of fun and excitement with my coworkers is upon me, and in a few short weeks it will be spring break - meaning for me that I'll be able to enjoy the peace of an empty building and then the exhaustion of a whirlwind trip back to my hometown.

In the meantime I'll be fielding an unbelievably large amount of parent phone calls. Nope, not my parents (with my busy life and tendency to be bitchy when interrupted they usually leave the dialing up to me), but rather the parents of what feels like any student from my building that might be the teeniest bit unsatisfied/frustrated with basically any part of his or her college career. When I see that I have voicemail I automatically tense up and wait to hear which Mr or Mrs So-and-So I need to call back. The voicemail light taunts me, gleaming all proud as if to say, "Haha! Look at what YOU have to deal with!!". I have learned within my professional experience this year that the voicemail light is the bane of all existance, that even if it's from someone else you work with there's some pressing issue going on which is why they've called instead of just popping off an email or just trying the call again later. The voicemail light is there to add anxiety and stress to your day, causing you to rearrange your schedule so you can make time for the call-back - which will last at least 30 minutes, if not longer. The voicemail light is there to make you doubt your abilities in your job, the competency of your staff, and the tenure of your position.

I used to giggle at my assitantship supervisors when they would sigh and moan when their voicemail lights were on. I thought it was funny that such a thing could cause such immediate exhaustion and frustration. They weren't even working in residence life yet it was still a pain in the ass and something that was sure to either be utterly ridiculous, extreme anger-inducing, or (when you were lucky) just a hang-up. Now I understand and realize that perhaps karma is paying me back for all those smirks and sad faces I would make. Retribution is here, my friends. My personal emotions have waved the white flag and surrendered, allowing me full control over my thoughts once more, but the war rages on with my voicemail light with absolutely no end in sight.

“I lived in solitude in the country and noticed how the monotony of a quiet life stimulates the creative mind”

Quote from Albert Einstein, German-born physicist whose theory of relativity put him into history. He's a winner of the Nobel Prize for Physics, an author of both scientific and non-scientific works, and his last name has become another word for 'genius'. I think he also knows what he's talking about with living in quiet solitude (or as much of that as you can get while living in a residence hall filled with students).




All around me I am starting to hear the job search buzz….whether it’s from colleagues that are getting ready to move on, grad students who are preparing to start their first search, or the bloggers of the 2009 Job Search Blog….and, believe it or not – I am jealous.

I know, I know. For as much bitching and moaning that I did last year during the process and how I couldn’t WAIT for the whole thing to be over, I am now jealous of those who get to do it again. It’s not because I hate where I am (I love it!) or that my job annoys me (I love it!), it’s just that I love having to be super organized and researching for positions.

Yes, I truly am this much of a nerd.

What got to me last year was the anxiety of what would happen if I didn’t find a job. Sure interviewing at placement was exhausting and getting those “Thanks, but no thanks” emails was heartbreaking, but the process itself was actually fun. And now I don’t have to do it, and it’s a little odd. Relaxing, but odd.

The one thing I hate is how the job search changes people. Everyone becomes edgy and irritable, with the slightest misstep becoming a huge catastrophic mistake. People who have been your friends suddenly start to pull away - in part because their time is consumed by the job search and also because they stop caring. Not about you....necessarily. They stop caring about the job and the institution and in their minds they have already clocked out and moved on. It's heartbreaking to watch and even worse to actually live. [Job searchers, please keep this in mind as you embark on this journey.]

Today has been peaceful, something I was seeking after this past week and something that I need to get me through the next. The building has been fairly silent (I directly attribute this to a lack of sports on TV this afternoon) and I've been able to wander my apartment doing random things that please me. I need this type of weekend to restore my sanity from the avalanche of roommate conflicts and problems within my building, as they will all hit me right in the face on Monday when I step into my office.

"The snow doesn't give a soft white damn whom it touches."

Above quote from e.e. cummings, an American poet from the 20th century who is perhaps most famous for his lack of capitalization, punctuation, and attention to sentence detail. I think he was amazing, and part of the influence on me and my poetry-writing style.



Ahh, the snow day. A simple event that can instantly strike fear in the hearts and minds of any residence life professional. An event that many of us are dealing with these days, and something that always proves to be interesting and keep you on your toes. It's not just about the college/university shutting down, it's about cancelling huge events that have been planned for months, students going crazy in the building and coming up with new (and often dangerous) ways to amuse themselves, and trying rearrange your schedule to accomodate the new appointments that will creep up because of it.

I have spent my snow day working (albeit minimally) and watching House. I'm refusing to leave my apartment and have been digging through my pantry trying to find something that I can assemble together that might resemble a meal. I've yelled at students and watched other people yell at students. I see students wandering around outside in SHORTS (forget about the cold - there's a lot of snow out there!). I truly believe that when these things happen students lose all sense and wits and turn into animals. Today has only reinforced this.

I'm hoping for a calm evening and that tomorrow will see a return to normalcy. It's too snowy to go outside and cause a ruckus, right?

"On this day, we gather because we have chosen hope over fear, unity of purpose over conflict and discord."

Above quote from President Barack Obama's inauguration speech today. Read on for more info.



One of the things I love most about my job is the total autonomy that I have. Not only do I manage my own building, making my own decisions, and create my own standards for my staff, but I also have complete reign over my schedule and my time. It's this sort of thing that allowed me to take off a decent part of the day to sit in front of my TV and watch CNN as they gave me incredible coverage of the inauguration of President Obama. In fact, I'm STILL watching it; now I'm seeing all the balls and the dances and thinking about how incredible those parties must be.

I realized the other day that I can remember watching the inauguration of the last few 4 year increments. Part of me wonders if I remember seeing a recap on the evening news or actually watching them in real time.....shouldn't I have been in school? Did I manage to convince my mom to let me stay home? I'm not really sure, but I have vivid memories of watching President Clinton take oath (the first time, I think) and I would've been fairly young at the time. I remember lots of his campaign against then President Bush Sr. and Ross Perot; I even remember watching the debates. While politics has been a part of growing up for me (I remember campaigning for my school levys to be passed and constantly aware of what was going on in the world) it seems to have been fallen by the wayside. Today as I watched all of this I decided that I should become a more politically minded individual and get a better grasp on the hot topics of the day. Since I feel like I'll officially become an adult when I turn 25 this spring, this seems fitting.

Anyway, I decided to check out the new http://www.whitehouse.gov that CNN kept discussing and immediately settled on the biographies of those important people of this administration. I was immediately reminded of how education-minded the Obamas and Bidens are, especially with higher education:
First Lady Michelle worked for the University of Chicago for many years, including serving as Associate Dean of Student Services and Vice President of Community and External Affairs for the medical center.
President Barack taught Constitutional Law at the University of Chicago.
Dr. Jill Biden (Mrs. Vice-President) has taught English for years at the Delaware Technical and Community College [ahhh, how my heart soars at this because of my experience at the small community college-esque campus]. She just earned her Ph.D in 2007 but that's okay because she's been busy raising her family and earning TWO master's degrees (in English and Reading). Oh, and she had on knee-high boots today. That furthers my intital thought that I LIKE her :)


All of this gives me a good feeling, especially once I browsed the agenda on Education (also available at the White House site). One of the things that made me smile was the idea that the FAFSA (Free Application for Federal Student Aid) could be eliminated and replaced with a check box on your tax form. As someone who has experience working in Financial Aid (especially with assisting families with filling out this form).....well, I can't really express the amount of frustration that could be eliminated and the number of families who would probably receive aid who do not currently because of the complication of the form. Wow.

So....today has not been about work for me. It's not been about what I'm working on, what's on my list of things to do, or what's happening in my building. Today has been about what the world will look like in the next 4 years, and what we can hope to see in the future. It's about change and new beginnings, no matter where you live or who you voted for.

"There is no substitute for hard work."

Above quote comes from Thomas Edison, American businessman and inventor. Credited with the creation of many items, he is perhaps most widely known for inventing the light bulb. There also exist over 1,000 US patents in his name, as well as some scattered in Germany, France, and the UK. I think he definitely knows what's talking about in terms of hard work.




I was totally unprepared for what this semester was going to bring me. When I mentally prepared to come back, when I wrote my last post on Saturday, when I actually started back up at work in my office…..I still had no idea what this was going to look like. And wow, what a shock all of this is.

I am BURIED in work. So buried, in fact, that I have no right to actually be taking time out of my day to be writing this post. I am in between meetings with students right now, the time when I should be catching up on emails, writing recommendations, working on projects. I keep watching my Outlook show me new emails in the bottom of my screen and I am ignoring them. I keep adding more meetings to my calendar as students email me wanting face time. I keep adding more and more things to the piles on my desk (and my other chairs in the office) that I’ll get to eventually….just not right now. And over the past 4 days I’ve realized that my stress level has rocketed and there’s nothing I can do to change it….and that it’s probably ALWAYS going to be like this at the start of each semester. Holy shit – what did I sign up for?

I thought that this semester was going to be a little easier than others. I signed up to teach a class as something extra because I couldn’t imagine what I would be doing with my time otherwise. I am thrilled to get this experience, and I’m hoping I will be able to help/influence the 11 students who are currently enrolled, but I forgot how much time it takes to prep for a class even when everything is already outlined for you. I’ve been moving like a whirling dervish (as my mother would say) to get things completed in time and have a good grasp on what I’m teaching each class meeting. Now I have things to grade, assignments to explain, and more prep work ahead of me. I am excited about it, don’t get me wrong, but I definitely didn’t budget for all of this.

I have a major project I’m working on that’s sucking up most of my time. Maybe that’s not the best way to say it…..enveloping all of my time? Completely all-encompassing any time that I might have thought I may have? I keep catching little errors that just bother me and feel like it’s never going to be perfect – which for some people is no big deal, but for me is definitely a REALLY big deal. I never considered myself an actual perfectionist until I started this job and realized how many people around me do things to near-perfection, so bringing a half-assed attempt is definitely NOT acceptable. I’m making it harder on myself in hopes that the end result will be amazing….I can only hope.

And then there’s the matter of next year…..it’s time to decide where I’d like to be within our halls and try and articulate why. With rumors flying around our department, it’s hard to keep track of who is interested in working with what, and why. It’s turned into a more pensive time for me than what I was anticipating….I’ve starting thinking more and more about what I’m looking for out of my second year experience here and who I want to work with and FOR. Interesting developments within the department has made me think harder about everything, and now I’m trying to make decisions.

I am thankful that tomorrow is Friday AND it’s a 3-day weekend for me. I am hoping to be able to walk out of my office on Friday afternoon and not walk back in until Tuesday morning. Working on the weekend is definitely NOT what I want to do, but if I don’t start crossing things off on my to-do list it may be unavoidable….which means I should probably stop blogging and start working :)

"Stress is nothing more than a socially acceptable form of mental illness."

Above quote is from Richard Carlson, an American author, psychotherapist, and motivational speaker who is most famous for writing Don't Sweat the Small Stuff (and a handful of other books related to this one) I think it's quite accurrate, and perhaps best explains that there really IS something wrong with me since I work in a field where stress is just a part of life.




There is nothing quite like returning to your job after having a glorious two week vacation. I spent my time off away from here and back in my hometown. I watched an unhealthy amount of TV, took naps nearly everyday, went out with my friends every night, and dreaded having to come back to work. I knew it was going to stink, but I didn't know just how much.

Packing up and coming back was harder than I was expecting. While I definitely missed having my own apartment and all my stuff around me and missed my friends here, I did NOT want to leave and be miles and miles from my friends and family. I cried for a portion of my trip back, which isn't surprising since crying is one of the things that I do best. I got back, unpacked, and enjoyed the fact that my building was SILENT and that I didn't need to worry about a thing.....and then the next day started.....

It's been nonstop ever since. I've been working with my staff, working with my collegues, working in my office. The committee work I do has kept me ridiculously busy since I got back, and I can expect that to continue for quite a while. Here it is, Saturday, and I'm in my office working on things so I don't have to try and balance everything on Monday when I come in. I am hopeful that tomorrow will be peaceful and have few glitches as my building reopens. I want nothing more than to sleep in and lay around all day before the week starts and I am hit with so much more to do.

My to-do list is growing as I keep remembering things that I need to work on. I'm teaching a class this semester and it starts on Monday, meaning that I should probably take a minute and develop a lesson plan for EXACTLY what is going to happen. I have student meetings already set up for the first few days, and I should probably look to see what it is I need to do during them and what I need to say. My calendar needs updated, I have papers to read through, an RA to meet with, recommendations for students need written, and oh yeah - it's about that time when I need to sit and make a final decision on whether or not I'm returning to my position next year and, if so, what community I would like to work with.

I guess I'm making this seem like I'm a lot more unhappy than what I actually am. I love to be busy (maybe not THIS busy....) and even though I get really frustrated at times, I love this job. I only wish I could've had the chance to ease back into work instead of getting tossed in the deep end - and after all, I can't even swim!!

Auld Lang Syne

Did you know that "Auld Lang Syne" is actually a poem by Robert Burns? It's set to the tune of an old Scottish folk song.


It's easy to tell that students are back at home and their parents are starting to ask questions about their college experience.....as my email has suddenly seen an influx of questions from the residents of my building. After weeks of silence, deserted office hours, and the unwillingness of any students to even make eye contact with me let alone ask me anything, suddenly there are tons of questions and scenarios that need played out. It's hilarious to me, and I really love how all of them start out by saying that they hope I am enjoying my break and that they're so sorry to be emailing me. My out-of-office auto reply tells them that I'm out of the office until January, so despite that I should probably be responding to their emails as I get them, I've been ignoring all of them. My conscious is starting to get to me and I think tonight that I might actually hammer out a few emails in return....unless I decide not to :)

So far my winter break has been extremely relaxing and lazy. I've done a lot of sitting around, plenty of tv watching, and much catching up with old friends. Being back in my hometown for an extended period of time has been challenging at times but a lot better than I was counting on. Celebrating New Years Eve tomorrow will be just like old times and I'm excited to have a few drinks and socialize with people. I've made some tentative plans for the rest of the weekend and then I'll be heading back to my job and my little apartment.

I have managed to do a little work during the past few weeks, including making an ever-growing to do list for when I return to the office and doing a little prep work for a class that I'll be teaching this spring semester. I'm already starting to feel the stress of having to jump right into a very busy month as soon as I return and I'm not a fan of seeing that my January is going to be devoured by work and probably little personal time. What will keep me going is the upcoming events of my birthday, a visitor or two, and eventually spring break. Looking ahead at times is the only way that I can survive in residence life.