Auld Lang Syne

Did you know that "Auld Lang Syne" is actually a poem by Robert Burns? It's set to the tune of an old Scottish folk song.


It's easy to tell that students are back at home and their parents are starting to ask questions about their college experience.....as my email has suddenly seen an influx of questions from the residents of my building. After weeks of silence, deserted office hours, and the unwillingness of any students to even make eye contact with me let alone ask me anything, suddenly there are tons of questions and scenarios that need played out. It's hilarious to me, and I really love how all of them start out by saying that they hope I am enjoying my break and that they're so sorry to be emailing me. My out-of-office auto reply tells them that I'm out of the office until January, so despite that I should probably be responding to their emails as I get them, I've been ignoring all of them. My conscious is starting to get to me and I think tonight that I might actually hammer out a few emails in return....unless I decide not to :)

So far my winter break has been extremely relaxing and lazy. I've done a lot of sitting around, plenty of tv watching, and much catching up with old friends. Being back in my hometown for an extended period of time has been challenging at times but a lot better than I was counting on. Celebrating New Years Eve tomorrow will be just like old times and I'm excited to have a few drinks and socialize with people. I've made some tentative plans for the rest of the weekend and then I'll be heading back to my job and my little apartment.

I have managed to do a little work during the past few weeks, including making an ever-growing to do list for when I return to the office and doing a little prep work for a class that I'll be teaching this spring semester. I'm already starting to feel the stress of having to jump right into a very busy month as soon as I return and I'm not a fan of seeing that my January is going to be devoured by work and probably little personal time. What will keep me going is the upcoming events of my birthday, a visitor or two, and eventually spring break. Looking ahead at times is the only way that I can survive in residence life.

"Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right."

The above quote comes from the one and only Oprah Winfrey. I know, I can't believe that I'm actually quoting her. It's not that I dislike this incredibly strong and powerful woman (we can never have too many in this world!) it's just that...well, I guess I don't know how to articulate it. But I mean, who can blame her? If I had as much money as her I'd probably do the same things, including starting my own magazine and putting myself on the cover every month. How ballsy of a move is that, and she still sells them because she's Oprah. Maybe we should all aspire to have her fame and fortune.



Who can believe that I'm getting ready to close my building and head home for winter break? This semester has not just flown by, this YEAR has sped past me so incredibly fast. It's usually at this point that I like to think about what's gone on this year and do some kind of 'year in review' synopsis. So, in no particular order.....

- I moved for a job that I thought would be fantastic (and it is) and for reasons that were all my own (ignoring what others really wanted me to do).
- I turned 24 and started feeling old. I did have a pretty sweet party thanks to my best friend and favorite people back at home.
- I job searched and job searched until I started not caring where I worked and what I did. And then this place called me for an oncampus interview and everything changed.
- I learned to be happy and satisfied on my own, then decided that maybe I wanted to date again.
- I started planning for my retirement, right as the economy decided to crap out. I have some type of portfolio-thing with some big company that didn't file for bankruptcy or get bought out. Does that mean my money is safe? I'm still thinking I need a financial planner....
- I got grown-up health insurance!
- I bought a TiVo and it changed my life.
- The girl that swore up and down she'd never go to grad school (that'd be me) graduated with her master's degree.
- My best friend got married. (Did I mention she's younger than I am?) And she bought a house. And a new car. And went on a supercool honeymoon. Did I mention I feel old?


All of this makes me think about next year, and what type of resolutions I might like to make. These are things I usually decide in December and promptly forget about in January. I try to keep them practical enough (because we all know I'm NOT going to workout and I'm NOT going to suddenly start saving my money instead of shopping all the time). So this year I think I'll resolve to start flossing regularly and buying fresh flowers so my apartment smells more outdoorsy than what Bath and Body Works Wallflowers can deliver me.

Since a new semester is starting, I want to look at resolutions I can make for that. Having my evaluation meeting recently also put this in the forefront of my mind. Don't let me give you the wrong idea - I had a really great eval. My ideas pretty much lined up with that of my supervisor's and it's nice to know that even though I get frustrated and sometimes feel like my building sucks, I know that I'm still doing all that I can and getting my work done. So, I want to look at what I can do next semester to make my ability at performing my job even better. Like putting my foot down when I want to instead of wavering and being a doormat. Or delegating tasks to people instead of thinking all the time that it won't get done right unless I do it myself (although I'll secretly know that this is true and instead just try and chill out enough to actually let someone else give it a shot). Maintaining my cheerleader disposition in times when I really just want to scream and cry and yell about what's going on with my staff/department.

I think I should also resolve to be a better blogger, and to spend some of that time I waste on facebook actually writing posts and organizing my thoughts :)

"This became a credo of mine: attempt the impossible in order to improve your work."

Above quote from Bette Davis, a famous American actress who was in a lot of movies primarily in the 30s and 40s but continued acting into her later years.



I am learning quite a bit about myself through evaluations. Each of my staff members fills out an eval about me and my performance and it’s been interesting to read them and go over each one. There have been certain trends amongst the staff – I wonder if they pre-discussed everything they would be writing. They are all frustrated with the same things, most of them seem satisfied with everything I’ve been doing, but perhaps the biggest surprise has been that many of them wish that they knew more about me/that I was more open about my life.

For the people that know me well, this might be hilarious. I usually can’t stop talking about anything, and I’m pretty forthcoming with information about me and what’s going on in my world. I came into this job knowing that I didn’t want to have a completely open relationship with my staff. I figured that I would let them define what kind of relationship they would like to have with me. Most of them ask how I’m doing but don’t go more in depth than that, and so I don’t ask anything that’s too personal about themselves. They don’t ask any questions about much of anything, something that’s always been interesting to me since they see my apartment on a regular basis – a place that has many pictures and random artifacts of my life. And for that matter, my office is a pretty personalized place as well. I guess they’ve been waiting for me to volunteer information or at least seem more open about answering questions (although I didn't know that I wasn't).

Instead I've started to let certain things slip....more stories about my life and my friends, important people to me, etc. I've started talking to one of my RAs that stops by my office frequently and I'm curious to see if the information is getting dispersed like I think it might be. I'm trying to come up with a way to handle next semester a little differently. Maybe some sort of icebreaker for the start of the semester that has to do with storytelling. We'll see what I can cook up.

I have to admit that it's been harder than I thought to keep up with my writing this semester. Time just seems to fly by and before I know it weeks have gone by and I've done more than just neglect my posting. I forget to return emails and phone calls and let too much time go by without seeing people - in particular one of my college friends that lives about an hour from me whom I haven't seen since July. Full Time life is way busier than I ever thought it would be.

“Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion....I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward"

This quote brought to you by Kurt Vonnegut, American writer famous for his satire/science fiction combination books, such as Slaughterhouse-Five and Breakfast of Champions. He passed away last year at the age of 84.




Here I sit in Panera Bread, working on staff evaluations.

Ick.

My absence has been because my life has been taken over by preparing to close my building for Thanksgiving (my first ever closing!), working on evaluations (I'm convinced they were created to make my life miserable), and sogging through the random drama in my personal life (boys, boys, boys). I am trying to stay positive and keep my sanity until I make it home for Thanksgiving, but with each day I get more and more excited to pack up and spend a few days with my family - both biological and the one made up of my friends.

[I would like to digress to point out that for whatever reason, children appear to love me. Despite the fact that this place is pretty much empty at the moment, three children come tearing in the door with someone and immediately run over in my direction and sit right by me. Normally I think it's cute, but right now all I crave is solitude and to melt into the chair.]

Anyway, my building has turned into the last place I want to be. I think the pre-Thanksgiving crazies have hit the students, and they're being loud and obnoxious 24/7. Last night I was up until after 4am because people were thundering around the halls and slamming doors. I think some sort of indicator goes off when I open my apartment door and start walking the halls, since my round of the building that I did at 2am was silent except for the various residents in quiet conversations in the hallways. I wasn't back in my place for more than 15 minutes before the noise started all over again and I decided to give up and admit defeat. My energy level is rapidly plummeting and I can't keep up with all these 18 and 19 year old students anymore. I am old, and I need some peace and quiet. It's definitely time to make my way to my hometown and enjoy the quiet, boring place that it is.


Getting out and working on these evaluations was the best thing to do today. I've managed to get through more than half, although I'll need to go back through everything again before it's time to submit them. My motivation is starting to slip away and all the coffee I've consumed has left me jittery and unable to sit still. Getting anything else accomplished today is probably not in the cards, and the lure of the stores around me is proving to be too much to resist. Maybe one day I'll get back my concentration and desire to work.

"Half of the American people never read a newspaper. Half never voted for President. One hopes it is the same half."

Today's quote comes from Gore Vidal, an American novelist and politician (among many other things) who wrote The City and the Pillar, the first American novel to contain an open representation of homosexuality. He is connected to many well-known political names; his mother married the man who would later become Jackie Kennedy's stepfather, he was the fifth cousin of Jimmy Carter and distantly related to Al Gore, his grandfather was a senator from Oklahoma. He himself became a political activist in the 1960s and had an unsuccessful bid for Congress in New York. He would later run for a senate position in California, another unsuccessful attempt.







On this historic election day, I would’ve expected much more excitement and debate across campus. I wanted to see rallies and students debating (albeit peacefully) and a huge surge of pride as we go into this election.

Instead, it has been relatively quiet. I’m seeing new signs on campus, but not much more than that. I’m concerned that students on my campus just don’t care enough, or don’t want to be bothered with voting. Perhaps many of them voted absentee and there’s no need to get their metaphorical panties in a twist, but I was at least hoping for a little more. Maybe by tonight when polls start to close and the projections are made I’ll start to hear students buzzing about the election.

4 years ago during the last presidential election I was a college student. I went to school at a small private college, but one that had extremely liberal leanings. I was an RA and encouraged all of my residents to vote. I sent in my absentee ballot with plenty of time to spare and parked myself on my bed that evening and watched CNN all night long. I fell asleep with the TV and woke up randomly in the middle of the night to see that predictions were very different from when I had last remembered. I could barely concentrate the next day and all I wanted to do was watch what was going on.

This election will fare no differently. I’ve been told about many different election parties that are going on around campus but I think I’ll be spending this evening alone. I think it’s fun to sit by myself in my pajamas and watch everything…..sometimes I’ll laugh, sometimes I’ll yell at the TV, but the best part is that I don’t have to deal with anyone else getting all uppity about their candidate over mine.

And speaking of that, for whatever reason my staff is very curious about who I was planning on voting for. I’ve refused to tell them and I think it’s only made them more curious and want to ask me even more. I know some people have been very open about where their support falls, but I felt that it was in my best interest to just keep my mouth shut. I’m aware that I have a variety of political leanings on my staff and I’d rather not rock the boat one way or another. Maybe I’ll tell them after everything has been officially decided, or maybe I’ll just let them keep wondering.

My civic duty has officially been completed. I allotted myself about 2 hours of time for the voting process in case lines were long, but I was able to walk right in and cast my vote. This was the first time that I’ve actually voted on election day – I’ve always voted absentee in my hometown – and it was very cool to get to touch screen my vote into history. Plus, I got a sticker! And that’s really what made it all worth it :)

“Winning isn't everything, but the will to win is everything.”

This week quote is from Vince Lombardi, the famous American football coach of Green Bay Packers and the Washington Redskins. The Super Bowl trophy was renamed after him after his death from cancer in 1970, and he was inducted into the football hall of fame the following year. He is also well known for introducing the idea of zone blocking, the famous 'Lombardi Sweep' play, and for coaching the Packers during the Ice Bowl (otherwise known as the NFL Championship Game of 1967).

As a highly competitive individual, I love this quote. I never realized until recently how deep my competitive spirit runs, but it's pretty deep. When I tell my students that I will not accept anything less than the best and winning, I know that there's a good chance it won't come through to victory. The best part is giving them that desire and watching them try so hard to make it happen and to know that I played a small bit in that.





The past week has been a huge combination of good and bad, pride and sorrow, ups and downs.

My best friend came to visit me over the weekend. If I ever needed a dose of her friendship, now was the time. I laughed until I cried, ate so much sushi I thought I might explode, and got to go Walmarting with her – an event that I miss more than I’ll probably admit to most people.

Students in my building came together to create some great school spirit in an attempt to win a contest – and they did :) I cannot describe the feeling associated with finally seeing students unite together for a cause other than going out and drinking underage. What’s more, the win has boosted our budget and we can now do many more fun things!

Our football team has reached new levels of bad. I don’t even know if ‘bad’ even describes them at this point. It’s heartbreaking for the students – both the athletes and the fans – and it’s so hard to sell the idea that they should continue to go and support them when they know (or assume) that the team will probably lose in some catastrophic way. I'm starting to wonder if I should stage a coup and take over one of their practices in an attempt to give them the pep talk that I give my students :)

We had another write-up in my building this weekend, and it amazes me what students will get pissed about. Nevermind the fact that they broke policy and had alcohol in the building, the more important fact (to them, of course) is the fact that the RAs had “no reason” to knock on their door and follow up with them from their noise violation earlier in the evening. These students thought that 3am was a PERFECT time to try and talk with me about the situation. While they didn’t knock on my apartment door, they did stop me outside on the sidewalk as I was walking outside with my friend after my RA called me about the situation. And then (because of course, it gets better) they didn’t understand that I don’t actually work ALL THE TIME and were insistent on trying to find me the next day to talk more about it when it would be convenient for them. This in turn created the first time that I’ve actually had to get snippy back with students because of their attitudes towards me. And then they don’t understand why. I remain amazed by this entire ordeal.

The good thing about everything that’s going on right now is that every passing day puts me closer to more unstructured time in my office and the sweet release of Thanksgiving break. I will shop, play Rock Band/Guitar Hero, sleep in, and enjoy that I have no one else to be concerned about but myself. Then I’ll just have 3 more weeks to get through before I have a lovely 2 week break for the holidays.

I can see how people burn out on residence life. I’m not to that point yet, not at all, but I think next year I will do a better job of structuring my time and not waiting until October to finally leave campus and get away. Even next semester – while I know I will be busy with various things (including teaching!) – if I don’t find time to get away and escape I will probably lose my mind. I have already started thinking about spring break and what sorts of things would be fun to do. And then there’s May which means the end of my contract for the year, a fantastic vacation, and then possibly back to work for a month before I get a whole other month off and the chance to roam around the country visiting family and friends. Despite what the calendar tells me, it doesn’t seem that far away at all :)

"The quality of your life is the quality of your relationships."

This post's quote is from Anthony Robbins, a self-help writer and apparently famous for various seminars and the tactics he uses to sell his point. I'm not very familiar with it, and I won't even go as far to say that I buy into it at all, but I like the quote.

As I read through the other blogs on studentaffairs.com, I’m starting to see a trend. It’s apparently that time of year when nothing seems to go right and everyone is ready to absolutely scream. I can buy into this – last week I could not WAIT to pack up and get out. I had fun weekend plans and I wanted them to start immediately, without any of this work stuff getting in the way. I was a whirlwind as I packed, cleaned up my desk, tore through my to-do list, and hit the road. I had a fabulous weekend with some fabulous friends and I’ve returned energized and ready to charge through the next 5 weeks.

At least, that’s how I feel today. Yesterday was a mish-mash of feeling sorry for myself and being sad about other people. I teared up twice in my office during the day (email exchanges full of emotion and reminiscing of good times will do that) and then ended up crying later on in the evening while I was talking about everything that was going on. Thankfully my evening took a turn for the better, and so now I’m looking forward to seeing what might happen with a new situation……

Okay, so I’ll just put it out there. I might enter the new realm of trying to date while having a full-time job. Up until last week or so I didn’t think I was ready to handle it. I’ve spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to balance my job with my personal life and learning how to make time for myself in a world where I’m always at work. It’s been a rough transition, much more difficult than I anticipated. I find myself with plans every weekend (you don’t understand how much I love having coworkers that are my age that share similar personalities to my own) and spending the evenings during the week trying to catch up on sleep and recharge for the next day. Now I’m starting to see that I’m a little bored with myself and maybe I’m ready to try sharing my time with another person. Maybe.

My dating record is full of mistakes and smudges across the page. I’ve made some good friends over the years (I’m proud to say that I still speak to almost everyone that I’ve ever dated) but haven’t ever found someone that could put up with me just as much as I could put up with them. But now things could change, and after a 10 month hiatus from being in a relationship, maybe I’m ready to give it a go. Maybe.

As for everything else, it’s shaping up to be a beautiful fall. The weather has finally turned cold – cold enough that the heat got turned on in my building yesterday – and I feel like fall weather is here to stay. The sun still shines brightly and the campus is looking more beautiful than I even imagined that it could. My job is still busy (although will slow down quite a bit in the coming weeks) and I still love what I do here. With each passing week I feel more and more comfortable with my position here, and now that I’m achieving career satisfaction it might just be time to get some personal satisfaction as well.

"Every leaf speaks bliss to me/ Fluttering from the autumn tree."

Today's quote is really two lines of poetry from Emily Bronte, the British novelist and poet from the 1800s and one of the famous Bronte Sisters - all of whom were successful writers and published under male pseudonyms at the time. Emily is remembered for Wuthering Heights. (For those interested, Charlotte wrote Jane Eyre and Ann wrote Agnes Grey) Both Charlotte and Ann published additional works - Charlotte published the most but all of the Bronte Sisters would die young before their talents could be fully developed. [Despite my background in literature, I haven't read any of these. This is probably a tragedy in and of itself.]




It's that lovely time of year when fall is really setting in - weather starts to cool off, leaves start changing colors, I start wearing socks again, and then my building goes absolutely nuts.

Maybe I should say that students in general start to go crazy. I'm sure that it isn't isolated to my building or even my quad of campus. My usually quiet building has suddenly gone topsy-turvy and things are happening all over the place. Roommate situations are moving from a slow simmer to a rolling boil, beer pong becomes an acceptable weekend activity (ha!), and people run around all crazy because they simply can. I stand in the midst of it all wondering what's going on and thinking that it must be time for fall break and that's why people have suspended all views of reality.

Other than all of that, there hasn't been much interesting stuff going on. Students are studying for midterms and I'm preparing to start my first round of meetings with those students whose academic attempts have come up a little short. We're preparing for homecoming festivities and Halloween and programming within the hall is starting to pick up a bit. My staff seems stressed out - from their own coursework and also because they are starting to realize that there are two very short months left of the semester and most of them still have a lot of programming left to do. I know that it's probably time to do a little staff development, but no one seems like they want to do anything fun together that isn't thrown together a mere 10 minutes prior. Or maybe they just don't want to do anything that involves me - either way, it's not giving me very much to work on.

It's a beautiful Sunday afternoon and I am choosing to spend it on my couch in front of the TV. One of the very best parts of being a professional is not having homework to do on the weekends and being able to be as lazy as I want to be :)

“Money is like a sixth sense - and you can't make use of the other five without it”

This quote is from W. Somerset Maugham, an English playwright, novelist, and short story writer who was most popular from about 1915-1940. This quote works with the theme of today's entry, but also the theme of the world today. Reading my daily USA Today has gotten a bit repetitive and bleak in the past days.




I wish I could sit and tell you about all the wonderful and interesting things that have happened since the last post, but not a lot has occurred. At least, not a lot that stands out in my mind. The days blend together in a blur of appointments and suddenly so do the weeks and then I've lost all track of time and I don't know what's going on at all. Welcome to the professional life.

I have a busy month ahead of me, with homecoming festivities and Halloween (always a big deal, no matter what campus you work on) and looking forward to Thanksgiving and winter break. One of the best parts will be getting my first official visitor, the same wonderful friend who helped me move here, who will be returning to hopefully experience a much more calm and relaxed version of myself.

In the meantime, I was reminded in the past week about the wonderful professional development allowance that I am given and all the fun things that I can do with it. I had forgotten that it existed and that I didn't need to worry about paying for some of the things that I'd like to do, since I have the money available to take care of it. So now I'm stuck trying to figure out what exactly I want to use it on.

Some of this is a given....I want to attend ACPA again so I'll be paying my membership fee and conference registration fee, and travel/hotel fees with the money....but if I get to be a part of recruitment at the conference (which I am DYING to do because of my own ACPA experience), then I've heard rumors that I don't have to use my development funds because the college will pay for everything. This means that suddenly there are other conferences that I could attend and books I could buy that I hadn't even thought of before! And being the nerd that I am, I'm already starting to look around and think about what exactly I'd love to see the money used for.

The best part about having this development money is that that means more of my personal money is available for more fun things, like travel! And clothes! :) One of the best parts of having a real paycheck and being an adult is having the ability to decide that I want to take random trips to random places for no real reason. Not only is it exciting to be a tourist and explore, but it's always fun to get out of town and leave the college kids behind. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my residents....but I also love having conversations with people over the ages of 18-22 and getting out of the residence hall.

"What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies."

Quote from Aristotle, a Greek philosopher who was a student of Plato and a writer on many subjects, perhaps the most famous being his works on the formal study of logic and the physical sciences.


[I wrote this yesterday but in between meetings and programs in the evening it didn't get posted.]


Today was a day of blogging – both reading and writing. I’ve been amusing myself in between appointments and meetings by reading a blog written by one of my staff members this summer while he traveled abroad. Then I decided to wander over to studentaffairs.com to see if anything new was up, and I discovered the graduate student blog and read that. Man, did that take me back. The ‘Takin’ Care of Business’ blogger sounds exactly like me when I first started my program two years ago. I can remember feeling incredibly lost in classes, watching all these second years (and more assertive first years) interacting and commenting on issues that I hadn’t even thought of. I had been interested in student affairs for a good year (at least) before I started the program, but coming from a small residence life program (and a small institution in general) left me way behind in many ways. It wasn’t until my second year of grad school that I really started to feel competent. Things started making sense, I started having more things to say, and suddenly I was feeling like a real professional. But back in the first year, in those beginning days, I was miserable.

I picked up and moved for school and the only person I knew in the area was the guy I was dating at the time. He didn’t support me in my pursuit of a masters degree and had little patience listening to me whine about all the work and the awful time I was having. A month after classes began we went our separate ways. I would leave class feeling defeated and spend parts of the drive home crying about what I should do about my life. As I started to make friends things got better, and after the first semester (when I took the worst combination of classes that anyone in my program could possibly take) things got much easier.

Which is why when you go back and read my parts of the 2008 Job Search blog I was so devastated to move away and leave all of that behind. And that’s also why I still have a hard time coping with being away from the past two years of my life. So fear not, those grad students out there who might be feeling something similar, it will all fall into place. You just have to push your way through the bad in order to reach all the good.

Life these days has been rather interesting. I’m developing the sickness that most of those around me have already had. This makes it hard to concentrate and feel like my usual peppy and upbeat self. I’m having students miss or cancel appointments at a rapid rate – something that I have no patience for, or tolerance, and that my schedule cannot accommodate. My staff has started programming at a rapid rate, and so my building had a program last night, another one tonight, something tomorrow night, and another is already planned for next week. As they find their groove I know things will only get more active and fun around here. I knew my “pep talk” that I gave them a few weeks ago would pay off eventually.

So I’ve been my usual busy self, but I’m finding more down time during the days than I anticipated. This is in part because of the appointment woes that I mentioned, but also because I’m actually (dare I say it?) ahead of the game. My desk is clean and free from all the random papers that I’ve just been pushing around. I have neat piles of important things and my files have been organized. My office has been rearranged (I got sick of it after less than two months) and I feel like it’s a lot more user-friendly for myself and the students. I am caught up on email and have even cleared out my inbox from random other things that were hanging out there. While I know that this won’t last, and as my schedule heats up even more I will probably lose this calm and confident feeling, for now I will enjoy the fact that I am a cool and collected professional, ready to conquer the world!

"Ugly naked guy is having Thanksgiving dinner with....ugly naked girl!!"

The quote in the title will make sense when you get to the end of the entry. Or, if you're really good, you already know what it's from.



Things with work are getting busier, but somehow I'm feeling more organized and put together. If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times: being crazy busy and stressed just makes me get more serious about whatever the issue may be. I'm in the office early so I can sort through all the emails from the evening before and then in between appointments and meetings I'm returning calls and emails and keeping up on everything. Some days are really long, but other days (like today!) end up being fairly short and easy to deal with.

My frustrations with my staff are starting to even out. I think they could sense my restlessness about the issues and are starting to become more productive. Things are happening in and around the hall that are positive, and this helps me feel like I'm doing something right with my job and staff.

We've also been dealing with the aftermath of Hurricane Ike - something that I wasn't expecting to have to encounter where I work. Between debris and power outages and kids gone crazy, it's been a hell of a week. I can't wait until I have some sort of normalcy restored.

All the news about the economy has me thinking about big picture issues that I never thought I'd have to worry about yet. I've already been faced with picking a retirement plan (hmm....something I should probably decide on rather soon...) and I've been thinking about annuities (which still don't completely make sense to me) and one of my friends was telling me that she has a CD (which seems cool and interesting but I'm not quite sure I understand all about it) and this same friend yelled at me when she found out that I didn't have a savings account (which doesn't mean I don't have a savings....necessarily....it just doesn't have it's own account yet. I've been BUSY!). I need a financial manager or something. Or at least someone who can explain all of this to me. Being a grown-up is rather difficult business.

Meanwhile, here I am watching reruns of Friends because it's a Thursday evening and I have nothing to do :) Plus, this seems better than planning my future. This episode is from the first season and it's the Thanksgiving episode. Now I can't stop thinking about going home for Thanksgiving and eating until I want to vomit. Black Friday shopping with my mom (if she's brave enough to handle it!)....taking naps on my parents' couch....spending countless hours with my best friend. All squeezed into a few days. Wonderful happy thoughts to get me through the rest of the week.

"To do great things is difficult; but to command great things is more difficult. "

This post's quote is from Friedrich Nietzsche, the nineteenth century German philosopher. I think this quote perfectly goes with how I'm feeling, but I'm laughing hysterically on the inside that I would pick a quote from someone who is well known for his beliefs on postmodernism and existentialism. [Friends from college would maybe get this, but this could be my own joke inside my head. Either way, it's amusing to me right now.]

Today has been one of my introspective days. I've spent this week listening to people comment about how down or melancholy I seem to be, which is totally in contradiction to the actual good feelings I've been having. Well, mostly good feelings. I can't help but feel icky inside when I miss important events (birthdays, pregnancies) and when I just can't be there to give my best friend a hug. Things have happened this week that have left me wishing I was at home.....well, at my multiple homes that I feel I have. But on the work front, I've actually felt a little bit better about things.

For the first time since training started, the items on my desk are relatively under control. There are still some things I need to manage, but for the most part I'm happy with the state of my office affairs. I'm finally feeling like I'm finding my professional niche....or at least starting to worm my way into what COULD be one. And as I start to feel more in-control with the general aspects of my abilities to do my job, I start to realize how incredibly frustrating other things are. The topic for this discussion is my staff.

Don't get me wrong - I have been blessed with having a phenomenal group of people work for me. They are all talented in their own rights and I love them each dearly. Lately I've been struggling with their motivation....or general lack of it. I know the students here have their own unique culture that doesn't fit with the types of populations I've been involved with before, but I don't feel like that's a good enough excuse - or really that excuses are acceptable at this point. You're here to do a job, and you're doing it with this certain type of community. They have no desire to program. They see most requirements as a chore. I have basically been hung out to dry on an event this weekend that I seem to be having to completely run myself. I feel like no matter what I try and do they will be pissy about some aspect of it. And now I'm pretty much fed up with the entire situation.

I know that as a first-time supervisor I have made mistakes along the way. The entire month that they've been here with me has been a learning experience, with each week yielding more things that I have to discover how I will handle. Yet I'm starting to wonder if either I a) completely suck at supervision and motivation; or b) command no respect from anyone. Or, maybe it's not me at all and my staff is just really not feeling doing their jobs. None of these choices are acceptable. A change must occur.

So I will spend this weekend trying to figure out the best way to approach the situation. I hate to give a million deadlines for every little thing (I provide some, but not for everything), but I feel like I'm being pushed to the point of having to really take a look at their performances and wonder what I can do to help them along. It's not everyone; of course I have a few that are stellar and keep my hope alive that everything will be okay. But the ones that are starting to push my buttons are really stomping on them. Tonight I will stay up later than I should and mull all of this over, trying to come up with answers that I know won't come. And I'll also lay on my couch and wonder what's happening back at my homes, wishing I could be everywhere at once and feeling like I can't control a thing.

"The true way to render ourselves happy is to love our work and find in it our pleasure."

The title is a quote from Françoise de Motteville, a French courtesan and writer. Oh how appropriate and true these words are.

So, let’s talk about how much I love my job. In fact, let’s talk about how much I love absolutely everything about this place.

To begin –
- The atmosphere at this place is amazing. A college town that is one of the most beautiful campuses I’ve ever seen. ONE of. I can’t deny the beauty of my own alma mater.
- My building is super cute. Maybe cute isn’t exactly the right word, but it’s the only thing I can think of at this time.
- My residents seem to be an eclectic mix of individuals. They come from all over the US (and a few countries) and have lots of different backgrounds. And this is just from the little that I know about them – I haven’t even started really getting to know any of them quite yet.
- My apartment and my office are AMAZING. I was initially horrified by the apartment. I can’t lie that I burst into tears when I saw it and thought I was moving into hell. As I mentioned in the previous post, NOTHING looks good when there are boxes everywhere and you’re sweating so much that you think you might melt. Once I turned it (and my office) into truly livable spaces that feel like ME, I realized how much I love them. This was reinforced when I started seeing other people’s offices and apartments. I am a lucky girl :)
- The department is more than I could ask for. With so many supportive supervisors and colleagues and feeling like I could approach anyone for assistance, this could be the perfect place to cultivate a new professional like myself.
- The community I’m working with is absolutely PERFECT for me, and I’m curious as to how they figured out that this was the best place for me to be. The placement that was done for my position was spot-on, and that goes for others here as well. How they just figure this out from interview questions that don’t even really ASK about these things, I’m not quite sure. Maybe I’ll figure this out during recruiting season this spring.

It’s quite obvious how happy I am when I put it down on paper, but I still can’t really believe it. And when others here about all the work that I’m doing (and how often that I work) they are in shock that I “put up with this” and actually claim to enjoy it. These conversations make me see how great the divide is between us student affairs professionals and the regular working folk. I never really felt a total sense of inclusion with my grad school cohort. It was no fault of the program, but as a group of students we just never really bonded. But now…..now I feel like I am with my people. Working at the place that I’m supposed to be at, doing the work that I was meant to do. Even as I write it seems too new-agey to actually leave as part of this entry, but I’m not sure I can put it any other way.

Other updates include the lack of incidents in my building. I feel like I may have jinxed myself by typing that, but I’m kind of hoping that that’s exactly what this does. Am I insane for hoping that my RAs bust a party or some random residents tonight? Or this coming week? Probably….but I want so badly to show those other residents (you know, the ones who are pretty sure they can get away with things and are just about ready to give it a shot) that they CAN’T do whatever they want and we ARE out there watching things. I’m ready to take on whatever comes at me, whatever it might be.

"What we call results are beginnings"

The title is a quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson, and a fitting one to start off this new path in my life.

What a journey it’s been since my last post on the Job Search Blog. (For those that followed along, or wish to go and catch up on things, I was the "Suddenly I see" blogger) I finished up working and took a short vacation home to visit family friends, only to return and pack millions of boxes. At least, it felt like millions of boxes. Somehow I managed to get everything I own into boxes, suitcases, and bags, and then cram it all into a u-haul. Many long, sweat-filled hours later I rolled onto campus and began this new adventure. There are a few things I learned along the way:

- There is never such an experience as having “too many boxes.” Keep collecting more and perhaps you’ll end up with just enough.
- Never underestimate the amount of Kleenex you will need in order to say goodbye to the past two years of your life. (I recognize that this might only apply to me, but it’s good advice in any emotional event)
- Expect that you’ll get lost, even if you know where you’re going.
- Nothing is ever what it looks like in pictures. Also, nothing looks good when there are boxes everywhere and you can’t stop sweating.
- Moving in July is the worst idea. Ever.

My life has been moving non-stop ever since I arrived. I launched straight into training for my position, then training for my staff, and then right into move-in. Now it’s the beginning of the second week and I feel like I can finally catch my breath and prepare for the rest of the semester!
Professional life has its perks…the ever-coveted parking pass that lets you go anywhere, respect from other staff/faculty, development funds, a very cool apartment, and the ability to change lives. It’s odd for me to get used to being a supervisor. In comparison to some, I have a fairly small staff. This is a blessing since I don’t have to keep track of a whole baseball team-sized staff, but is also a bummer because I think it might actually be easier to do some things if I had more people. But I’m learning to work with what I have and to try and be successful with what I’m trying to do. I know that I still have a ways to go on this one.

I also forgot how frustrating it can be to try and find one’s way around in a new place. One horrible day I got ridiculously lost and had my mom on the phone trying to mapquest me out of the random town I was in. I made it back and then got a GPS navigator. As much as I hate giving in to this gadget and allowing someone else (no matter how robotic) tell me how to get around, I must admit that it’s pretty cool. I feel like the continental USA is mine to discover, and I can even find every Walmart along the way!

I can tell this is going to be one hell of an experience. I am pleased that my residents have been here for nearly two weeks and the building is still standing. My schedule is about to explode with meetings and lots more work, but I think it will make the time fly by even faster. After all, I signed up for this in part because I like to be busy. I am trying to take advantage of the opportunities that are offered to me while still be conscious of my time and energy level. I think it’s going to be a very interesting year :)