"What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies."

Quote from Aristotle, a Greek philosopher who was a student of Plato and a writer on many subjects, perhaps the most famous being his works on the formal study of logic and the physical sciences.


[I wrote this yesterday but in between meetings and programs in the evening it didn't get posted.]


Today was a day of blogging – both reading and writing. I’ve been amusing myself in between appointments and meetings by reading a blog written by one of my staff members this summer while he traveled abroad. Then I decided to wander over to studentaffairs.com to see if anything new was up, and I discovered the graduate student blog and read that. Man, did that take me back. The ‘Takin’ Care of Business’ blogger sounds exactly like me when I first started my program two years ago. I can remember feeling incredibly lost in classes, watching all these second years (and more assertive first years) interacting and commenting on issues that I hadn’t even thought of. I had been interested in student affairs for a good year (at least) before I started the program, but coming from a small residence life program (and a small institution in general) left me way behind in many ways. It wasn’t until my second year of grad school that I really started to feel competent. Things started making sense, I started having more things to say, and suddenly I was feeling like a real professional. But back in the first year, in those beginning days, I was miserable.

I picked up and moved for school and the only person I knew in the area was the guy I was dating at the time. He didn’t support me in my pursuit of a masters degree and had little patience listening to me whine about all the work and the awful time I was having. A month after classes began we went our separate ways. I would leave class feeling defeated and spend parts of the drive home crying about what I should do about my life. As I started to make friends things got better, and after the first semester (when I took the worst combination of classes that anyone in my program could possibly take) things got much easier.

Which is why when you go back and read my parts of the 2008 Job Search blog I was so devastated to move away and leave all of that behind. And that’s also why I still have a hard time coping with being away from the past two years of my life. So fear not, those grad students out there who might be feeling something similar, it will all fall into place. You just have to push your way through the bad in order to reach all the good.

Life these days has been rather interesting. I’m developing the sickness that most of those around me have already had. This makes it hard to concentrate and feel like my usual peppy and upbeat self. I’m having students miss or cancel appointments at a rapid rate – something that I have no patience for, or tolerance, and that my schedule cannot accommodate. My staff has started programming at a rapid rate, and so my building had a program last night, another one tonight, something tomorrow night, and another is already planned for next week. As they find their groove I know things will only get more active and fun around here. I knew my “pep talk” that I gave them a few weeks ago would pay off eventually.

So I’ve been my usual busy self, but I’m finding more down time during the days than I anticipated. This is in part because of the appointment woes that I mentioned, but also because I’m actually (dare I say it?) ahead of the game. My desk is clean and free from all the random papers that I’ve just been pushing around. I have neat piles of important things and my files have been organized. My office has been rearranged (I got sick of it after less than two months) and I feel like it’s a lot more user-friendly for myself and the students. I am caught up on email and have even cleared out my inbox from random other things that were hanging out there. While I know that this won’t last, and as my schedule heats up even more I will probably lose this calm and confident feeling, for now I will enjoy the fact that I am a cool and collected professional, ready to conquer the world!

"Ugly naked guy is having Thanksgiving dinner with....ugly naked girl!!"

The quote in the title will make sense when you get to the end of the entry. Or, if you're really good, you already know what it's from.



Things with work are getting busier, but somehow I'm feeling more organized and put together. If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times: being crazy busy and stressed just makes me get more serious about whatever the issue may be. I'm in the office early so I can sort through all the emails from the evening before and then in between appointments and meetings I'm returning calls and emails and keeping up on everything. Some days are really long, but other days (like today!) end up being fairly short and easy to deal with.

My frustrations with my staff are starting to even out. I think they could sense my restlessness about the issues and are starting to become more productive. Things are happening in and around the hall that are positive, and this helps me feel like I'm doing something right with my job and staff.

We've also been dealing with the aftermath of Hurricane Ike - something that I wasn't expecting to have to encounter where I work. Between debris and power outages and kids gone crazy, it's been a hell of a week. I can't wait until I have some sort of normalcy restored.

All the news about the economy has me thinking about big picture issues that I never thought I'd have to worry about yet. I've already been faced with picking a retirement plan (hmm....something I should probably decide on rather soon...) and I've been thinking about annuities (which still don't completely make sense to me) and one of my friends was telling me that she has a CD (which seems cool and interesting but I'm not quite sure I understand all about it) and this same friend yelled at me when she found out that I didn't have a savings account (which doesn't mean I don't have a savings....necessarily....it just doesn't have it's own account yet. I've been BUSY!). I need a financial manager or something. Or at least someone who can explain all of this to me. Being a grown-up is rather difficult business.

Meanwhile, here I am watching reruns of Friends because it's a Thursday evening and I have nothing to do :) Plus, this seems better than planning my future. This episode is from the first season and it's the Thanksgiving episode. Now I can't stop thinking about going home for Thanksgiving and eating until I want to vomit. Black Friday shopping with my mom (if she's brave enough to handle it!)....taking naps on my parents' couch....spending countless hours with my best friend. All squeezed into a few days. Wonderful happy thoughts to get me through the rest of the week.

"To do great things is difficult; but to command great things is more difficult. "

This post's quote is from Friedrich Nietzsche, the nineteenth century German philosopher. I think this quote perfectly goes with how I'm feeling, but I'm laughing hysterically on the inside that I would pick a quote from someone who is well known for his beliefs on postmodernism and existentialism. [Friends from college would maybe get this, but this could be my own joke inside my head. Either way, it's amusing to me right now.]

Today has been one of my introspective days. I've spent this week listening to people comment about how down or melancholy I seem to be, which is totally in contradiction to the actual good feelings I've been having. Well, mostly good feelings. I can't help but feel icky inside when I miss important events (birthdays, pregnancies) and when I just can't be there to give my best friend a hug. Things have happened this week that have left me wishing I was at home.....well, at my multiple homes that I feel I have. But on the work front, I've actually felt a little bit better about things.

For the first time since training started, the items on my desk are relatively under control. There are still some things I need to manage, but for the most part I'm happy with the state of my office affairs. I'm finally feeling like I'm finding my professional niche....or at least starting to worm my way into what COULD be one. And as I start to feel more in-control with the general aspects of my abilities to do my job, I start to realize how incredibly frustrating other things are. The topic for this discussion is my staff.

Don't get me wrong - I have been blessed with having a phenomenal group of people work for me. They are all talented in their own rights and I love them each dearly. Lately I've been struggling with their motivation....or general lack of it. I know the students here have their own unique culture that doesn't fit with the types of populations I've been involved with before, but I don't feel like that's a good enough excuse - or really that excuses are acceptable at this point. You're here to do a job, and you're doing it with this certain type of community. They have no desire to program. They see most requirements as a chore. I have basically been hung out to dry on an event this weekend that I seem to be having to completely run myself. I feel like no matter what I try and do they will be pissy about some aspect of it. And now I'm pretty much fed up with the entire situation.

I know that as a first-time supervisor I have made mistakes along the way. The entire month that they've been here with me has been a learning experience, with each week yielding more things that I have to discover how I will handle. Yet I'm starting to wonder if either I a) completely suck at supervision and motivation; or b) command no respect from anyone. Or, maybe it's not me at all and my staff is just really not feeling doing their jobs. None of these choices are acceptable. A change must occur.

So I will spend this weekend trying to figure out the best way to approach the situation. I hate to give a million deadlines for every little thing (I provide some, but not for everything), but I feel like I'm being pushed to the point of having to really take a look at their performances and wonder what I can do to help them along. It's not everyone; of course I have a few that are stellar and keep my hope alive that everything will be okay. But the ones that are starting to push my buttons are really stomping on them. Tonight I will stay up later than I should and mull all of this over, trying to come up with answers that I know won't come. And I'll also lay on my couch and wonder what's happening back at my homes, wishing I could be everywhere at once and feeling like I can't control a thing.

"The true way to render ourselves happy is to love our work and find in it our pleasure."

The title is a quote from Françoise de Motteville, a French courtesan and writer. Oh how appropriate and true these words are.

So, let’s talk about how much I love my job. In fact, let’s talk about how much I love absolutely everything about this place.

To begin –
- The atmosphere at this place is amazing. A college town that is one of the most beautiful campuses I’ve ever seen. ONE of. I can’t deny the beauty of my own alma mater.
- My building is super cute. Maybe cute isn’t exactly the right word, but it’s the only thing I can think of at this time.
- My residents seem to be an eclectic mix of individuals. They come from all over the US (and a few countries) and have lots of different backgrounds. And this is just from the little that I know about them – I haven’t even started really getting to know any of them quite yet.
- My apartment and my office are AMAZING. I was initially horrified by the apartment. I can’t lie that I burst into tears when I saw it and thought I was moving into hell. As I mentioned in the previous post, NOTHING looks good when there are boxes everywhere and you’re sweating so much that you think you might melt. Once I turned it (and my office) into truly livable spaces that feel like ME, I realized how much I love them. This was reinforced when I started seeing other people’s offices and apartments. I am a lucky girl :)
- The department is more than I could ask for. With so many supportive supervisors and colleagues and feeling like I could approach anyone for assistance, this could be the perfect place to cultivate a new professional like myself.
- The community I’m working with is absolutely PERFECT for me, and I’m curious as to how they figured out that this was the best place for me to be. The placement that was done for my position was spot-on, and that goes for others here as well. How they just figure this out from interview questions that don’t even really ASK about these things, I’m not quite sure. Maybe I’ll figure this out during recruiting season this spring.

It’s quite obvious how happy I am when I put it down on paper, but I still can’t really believe it. And when others here about all the work that I’m doing (and how often that I work) they are in shock that I “put up with this” and actually claim to enjoy it. These conversations make me see how great the divide is between us student affairs professionals and the regular working folk. I never really felt a total sense of inclusion with my grad school cohort. It was no fault of the program, but as a group of students we just never really bonded. But now…..now I feel like I am with my people. Working at the place that I’m supposed to be at, doing the work that I was meant to do. Even as I write it seems too new-agey to actually leave as part of this entry, but I’m not sure I can put it any other way.

Other updates include the lack of incidents in my building. I feel like I may have jinxed myself by typing that, but I’m kind of hoping that that’s exactly what this does. Am I insane for hoping that my RAs bust a party or some random residents tonight? Or this coming week? Probably….but I want so badly to show those other residents (you know, the ones who are pretty sure they can get away with things and are just about ready to give it a shot) that they CAN’T do whatever they want and we ARE out there watching things. I’m ready to take on whatever comes at me, whatever it might be.

"What we call results are beginnings"

The title is a quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson, and a fitting one to start off this new path in my life.

What a journey it’s been since my last post on the Job Search Blog. (For those that followed along, or wish to go and catch up on things, I was the "Suddenly I see" blogger) I finished up working and took a short vacation home to visit family friends, only to return and pack millions of boxes. At least, it felt like millions of boxes. Somehow I managed to get everything I own into boxes, suitcases, and bags, and then cram it all into a u-haul. Many long, sweat-filled hours later I rolled onto campus and began this new adventure. There are a few things I learned along the way:

- There is never such an experience as having “too many boxes.” Keep collecting more and perhaps you’ll end up with just enough.
- Never underestimate the amount of Kleenex you will need in order to say goodbye to the past two years of your life. (I recognize that this might only apply to me, but it’s good advice in any emotional event)
- Expect that you’ll get lost, even if you know where you’re going.
- Nothing is ever what it looks like in pictures. Also, nothing looks good when there are boxes everywhere and you can’t stop sweating.
- Moving in July is the worst idea. Ever.

My life has been moving non-stop ever since I arrived. I launched straight into training for my position, then training for my staff, and then right into move-in. Now it’s the beginning of the second week and I feel like I can finally catch my breath and prepare for the rest of the semester!
Professional life has its perks…the ever-coveted parking pass that lets you go anywhere, respect from other staff/faculty, development funds, a very cool apartment, and the ability to change lives. It’s odd for me to get used to being a supervisor. In comparison to some, I have a fairly small staff. This is a blessing since I don’t have to keep track of a whole baseball team-sized staff, but is also a bummer because I think it might actually be easier to do some things if I had more people. But I’m learning to work with what I have and to try and be successful with what I’m trying to do. I know that I still have a ways to go on this one.

I also forgot how frustrating it can be to try and find one’s way around in a new place. One horrible day I got ridiculously lost and had my mom on the phone trying to mapquest me out of the random town I was in. I made it back and then got a GPS navigator. As much as I hate giving in to this gadget and allowing someone else (no matter how robotic) tell me how to get around, I must admit that it’s pretty cool. I feel like the continental USA is mine to discover, and I can even find every Walmart along the way!

I can tell this is going to be one hell of an experience. I am pleased that my residents have been here for nearly two weeks and the building is still standing. My schedule is about to explode with meetings and lots more work, but I think it will make the time fly by even faster. After all, I signed up for this in part because I like to be busy. I am trying to take advantage of the opportunities that are offered to me while still be conscious of my time and energy level. I think it’s going to be a very interesting year :)