"I don't answer the phone. I get the feeling whenever I do that there will be someone on the other end."

Quote from Fred Couples, American professional golfer who has won a ton of championships/accolades/awards for being a superawesome golfer. He also apparently has the same issues as me, but more on that later in this post.....




The past few weeks have been a little emotionally hell-like.

Just when things calm down with my job and I'm finding more and more time to relax in my office and daydream about the summertime, I am hit from behind with my personal life. I find myself locked in struggle with my thoughts over my relationship, turning 25, and my friendships. I start trying to dissect every nuance of my life, trying to sequence out why things happen and how they've managed to turn me into the person I am now. I end up, in essence, driving myself to hysteria. It's a quiet and personal one until a late night conversation hits too close to home and suddenly feel like I'm standing in the rain watching a movie of what things could be like.

Another day and a clearer view of reality proves that things aren't nearly as foul as I think they are, and with a few honest talks with people I start to feel like a normal human again. Before I know it it's Thursday evening and I'm realizing that a weekend of fun and excitement with my coworkers is upon me, and in a few short weeks it will be spring break - meaning for me that I'll be able to enjoy the peace of an empty building and then the exhaustion of a whirlwind trip back to my hometown.

In the meantime I'll be fielding an unbelievably large amount of parent phone calls. Nope, not my parents (with my busy life and tendency to be bitchy when interrupted they usually leave the dialing up to me), but rather the parents of what feels like any student from my building that might be the teeniest bit unsatisfied/frustrated with basically any part of his or her college career. When I see that I have voicemail I automatically tense up and wait to hear which Mr or Mrs So-and-So I need to call back. The voicemail light taunts me, gleaming all proud as if to say, "Haha! Look at what YOU have to deal with!!". I have learned within my professional experience this year that the voicemail light is the bane of all existance, that even if it's from someone else you work with there's some pressing issue going on which is why they've called instead of just popping off an email or just trying the call again later. The voicemail light is there to add anxiety and stress to your day, causing you to rearrange your schedule so you can make time for the call-back - which will last at least 30 minutes, if not longer. The voicemail light is there to make you doubt your abilities in your job, the competency of your staff, and the tenure of your position.

I used to giggle at my assitantship supervisors when they would sigh and moan when their voicemail lights were on. I thought it was funny that such a thing could cause such immediate exhaustion and frustration. They weren't even working in residence life yet it was still a pain in the ass and something that was sure to either be utterly ridiculous, extreme anger-inducing, or (when you were lucky) just a hang-up. Now I understand and realize that perhaps karma is paying me back for all those smirks and sad faces I would make. Retribution is here, my friends. My personal emotions have waved the white flag and surrendered, allowing me full control over my thoughts once more, but the war rages on with my voicemail light with absolutely no end in sight.

“I lived in solitude in the country and noticed how the monotony of a quiet life stimulates the creative mind”

Quote from Albert Einstein, German-born physicist whose theory of relativity put him into history. He's a winner of the Nobel Prize for Physics, an author of both scientific and non-scientific works, and his last name has become another word for 'genius'. I think he also knows what he's talking about with living in quiet solitude (or as much of that as you can get while living in a residence hall filled with students).




All around me I am starting to hear the job search buzz….whether it’s from colleagues that are getting ready to move on, grad students who are preparing to start their first search, or the bloggers of the 2009 Job Search Blog….and, believe it or not – I am jealous.

I know, I know. For as much bitching and moaning that I did last year during the process and how I couldn’t WAIT for the whole thing to be over, I am now jealous of those who get to do it again. It’s not because I hate where I am (I love it!) or that my job annoys me (I love it!), it’s just that I love having to be super organized and researching for positions.

Yes, I truly am this much of a nerd.

What got to me last year was the anxiety of what would happen if I didn’t find a job. Sure interviewing at placement was exhausting and getting those “Thanks, but no thanks” emails was heartbreaking, but the process itself was actually fun. And now I don’t have to do it, and it’s a little odd. Relaxing, but odd.

The one thing I hate is how the job search changes people. Everyone becomes edgy and irritable, with the slightest misstep becoming a huge catastrophic mistake. People who have been your friends suddenly start to pull away - in part because their time is consumed by the job search and also because they stop caring. Not about you....necessarily. They stop caring about the job and the institution and in their minds they have already clocked out and moved on. It's heartbreaking to watch and even worse to actually live. [Job searchers, please keep this in mind as you embark on this journey.]

Today has been peaceful, something I was seeking after this past week and something that I need to get me through the next. The building has been fairly silent (I directly attribute this to a lack of sports on TV this afternoon) and I've been able to wander my apartment doing random things that please me. I need this type of weekend to restore my sanity from the avalanche of roommate conflicts and problems within my building, as they will all hit me right in the face on Monday when I step into my office.