Quote from Edward Young, an English poet from the 1700s. He is most known for Night Thoughts, a poem that I'll admit I've never read, but he did a great many other works as well. His quote is completely true and fitting for today.
What do you do when your coworker who has been your professional listening post and confidante decides to leave the position?
One of my downfalls (as I see it right now) is that I tend to form very important connections with people. When I meet someone that I click with it happens quickly and with ease, usually deepening before I have any control over it and I have a new friend overnight. A bond is formed and suddenly it's impossible to think about how I could have survived without this person.
The upside is that I end up with excellent friends that I am very intertwined with. They are usually fiercely loyal (as am I) and people that witness all sides of my personality and emotions.
The downside is that they are incredibly difficult to say goodbye to. I end up feeling like a part of me is being left with them, and the emotional pain I experience is awful.
So what happens when the person you've worked closely with for 9 months, shared good times and bad, and really become friends with decides to pursue other opportunities? I didn't realize that the natural turnover of residence life positions would feel like this, that I would become too close with people and stop thinking about how any of us could decide to leave by the end of the year. Perhaps I'm not cut out for residence life because of the connections that I make with people - or maybe that's part of the reason why it comes so naturally to me.
The connection that I've made with my staff hasn't been as strong as I thought it would be. Part of this is because they're my first staff, and while I'll always remember them, I was hesitant to reveal my personality to them. Despite that, when I say goodbye to them next week it will make me cry (just as I'm crying as I write this because I'm obviously just a mess at this point). As I watch my residents leave I will be satisfied and happy that the year is over, but I will be sad to know that they won't be returning to my building next year. Yes, I've helped develop them into (hopefully) mature rising sophomores who will have fond memories of their first year of college but I'm selfish and would like to continue to watch them grow.
Ugh. No one told me that the end of the year would feel like this.
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1 comment:
As an RA, I've always promoted transparency between my residents and myself: I will reveal parts of my personality to them in the hopes that they will do the same. In my experience this year, this practice has been effective in establishing the same kind of relationships with my residents that you are talking about.
My residents have been my life this year, but I've also tried to see the bigger picture: it's impossible to connect with 100% of your residents, and being an RA is a job. The memories with my residents this year are stuck in the past, but I think of everything I've learned about myself, as an RA, and that is what will advance...
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